I feel like I've been tricked. I feel like everything that's happened this week has been some kind of a trap to make me believe, for a short time, that I'm on the right track only to pull the rug out from under me.
Now, I fully understand that this is illogical thinking. Rationally speaking, there is no proverbial rug to pull out from under me. There is not even a proverbial "puller" to pull said rug, again, rationally speaking here. However, that's how it feels. And that's what blogs are for, right? To post the drivel and mental ejaculate that arbitrarily becomes a temporarily seeming-reality in the constant uphill struggle?
I digress. I am fully aware that I have chosen a career path that is 99.9% rejection. However, it still sucks. And I wasn't prepared for it. I should have been - I KNEW I should have been - but I had not prepared myself for it. Well, balls.
I think it's because I have led a very fleetingly charmed month. Things clicked so well in my life while I was in Seattle (okay, that's not entirely true. Many things did. Many things did not.) for a week, the show I was in (that I got into almost entirely by accident) was spectacular… the world seemed to finally say, "hey bro - sorry about last year, man. Let me make it up to you!" To which I replied, "it's about fucking time!"
Well as Admiral Ackbar once so eloquently put it, "IT'S A TRAP!"
Today was, to say it like it is, a bummer. I'm just very bummed that the guy I spent the entire afternoon, evening and night training to take care of my brother, turns out to not be the guy from this agency who's going to come in to take care of my brother. Man, that's ten hours out of my life that was, literally, a wasted effort. I trained air. I could have just hung out with my brother instead, had a lot more fun, not been stressed out, not given myself a sore throat from explaining step-by-step what I was doing for the whole darn day… Just tell it like it is, people.
Moral:
If you're not what you say you are, please step out of line and go away.
