1) arrive with plenty of time to park, get your tickets from will-call if necessary, find your seats, peruse the program and be ready for the show to begin BEFORE the posted curtain time.
2) dress appropriately (ie. don't wear a bikini to the opera).
3) turn off your cell phone. off, not just on vibrate. we can hear that.
4) don't talk during the performance.
5) applaud at the end of act 1, if applicable, and at the end of the performance.
6) don't walk onto the stage.
7) don't touch the props or set pieces.
8) unwrap any hard candy or cough drops prior to the start of the performance.
Did I miss anything? I don't think so.
Now, these rules are fairly universal. It's not as though at Theatre X you're allowed to talk on the phone while the performance is running while at Theatre Y you're not. You're just not allowed to do that at all. Ever. These rules span all theatres, in all cities, states, countries and genres, from opera to fringe, from garages to stadium arenas. If you are seeing a play, follow these rules.
So how is it that people still miss this memo? How is it that someone, so naive in the ways of being a courteous individual at the theatre, can brazenly walk into a theater that has most of the lights off already, in which there are three people who are obviously cleaning up after a performance, walk past the seats, ONTO the stage, UNCOVER two layers of coverings off a piano, OPEN the keyboard cover of the piano which is onstage and start PLAYING the piano?!
Oh. And P.S. If you're going to be this jackass, at least play something better than only the right hand portion of "Lean On Me."
Tool.
